Dear Baby Seven Billion:

Dear Baby Seven Billion,

Welcome to the world!  Being the 7,000,000,000^th person born on earth is pretty significant. May you have a long and happy life!

I don’t want to trouble you with the problems of our world just yet—you have plenty of time for that.  But I hope you were lucky enough to be born into a family who loves you unconditionally and who will teach you the lessons of respect, kindness and gratitude.

As a somewhat famous person, I’m sure you will get lots of advice, tips and hints for things like success and happiness.  Here’s my best advice, Baby Seven Billion:  Be nice. It doesn’t cost anything so if you were born to a poor family you can still afford it.   And if you were born into advantageous circumstances, it’s still free—and still important.  Say hello to people and smile a lot. If someone scowls at you, they’re probably just having a bad day.  A smile won’t make their day any worse and will usually make it better.  You’ll find out just how well this works the first time you smile at your mom and dad! Practice kindness, be inclusive and do all you can to make others feel comfortable.  Be thankful for all things great and small. It’s called good manners and many people have forgotten about them these days.

Men and women of all races, religions and nationalities are working to cure diseases, solve environmental problems and conquer space.  Maybe you will be among them—we can certainly use a lot of help with our earthly problems.  Or maybe you could start a new movement:  Civility.  We could use a lot of help with that, too. 

Have a great life, Seven Billion.  We’ll be looking for that smile.

Manners for the Museum

With no end in sight to soaring temperatures for several more months here in Florida, museums and art galleries make for cool and enticing outings. Museums and galleries are thrilled that you are visiting but a few common sense social conventions are worth reviewing before you arrive. 

·      The most important thing to remember is that there’s no right or wrong way to look at art. 

·      The operative word here is “look”. Touch with your eyes, not your hands. Oil and dirt from fingers and hands can damage valuable paintings, ceramics and other items on display.  Refrain from touching anything, even when there is not a sign that says “Do Not Touch” or “Do Not Sit.

o   NOTE:  In some museums, there is a section just for kids that might be “Hands On”.  These are awesome places for a little creativity, but make the sure that “hands on” stays in the hands on department!

·      Most museums and galleries have a “No Photography” policy.  Ask if you can take photographs, even without a flash. This is not an “ask forgiveness” moment.   Cell phone photos and videos are still photos. It’s not just your photos that are harmful—it’s the light and heat produced by multiple photos over a long period of time that can damage valuable items—you don’t want to be part of the problem.

·      Use inside voices. While yelling through the galleries might produce a cool echo, it will also produce a few not-so-cool looks from patrons who were expecting a quiet visit.

·      Be careful with large purses or backpacks.  You don’t want to knock over the Ming Vase or anything else--priceless or otherwise.  Leave the big bags behind or ask if there’s a locker you can use--better safe than sorry.

·      Turn your cell phone off in any public building.  The marble floors and high ceilings of a museum or gallery will only make your Cee Lo Green ringtone more noticeable.  If you must leave your phone on, turn it to vibrate or silent.

·      If you are lucky enough to have a docent help you (a docent is a trained museum volunteer who will guide you through the exhibits), listen and be respectful.  Questions are usually welcome and the docent will appreciate them at the right time.  They will also appreciate your courtesy.

·      If you have a question or don’t know where to go or what to do, ask the docent, a staff member or someone from security.

Objects that are on exhibit in a museum may belong to the museum, or might belong to a collector, an estate or it may a travelling exhibit.  The museum itself, though, is an important asset to your city.  It enhances the lives of all citizens and contributes to the charm and attractiveness of the place where you live.  Cultural activities attract people and new businesses to the city.  Treat the museum with all the respect that you would treat your own treasures—this treasure is partly yours, too.

Don't Let Your Manners Take a Vacation

Summer has arrived.  The livin’ is easy and the traffic is light.  Dress codes are more relaxed and our schedules are less rigid.  It’s time for more socializing, a lot of “out and about” time and of course, the time-honored family vacation.

If you are lucky enough to travel this summer, you won’t need to pay a baggage fee to take your manners along.  Smile, be patient and practice the Golden Rule.  This isn’t always easy when airports, security lines, food kiosks and airline employees are stretched thin.  Take a good deep and treat others as you would like to be treated.  You’d be surprised how far a kind word or random act of courtesy can go.  Here are a few hints.

At the Airport:  Arrive early. This helps keeps your stress level low.  Your fellow passengers who are running late will have enough stress to go around and they may come down with a case of poor manners.  Just give them a big smile and treat them kindly.  Maybe they will pay it forward.

On board the airplane: 

·      Eat before you board the plan.  Taking food on board should be the exception, not the rule.  If you must take food on the airplane, choose carefully—almost any food item can make the whole plane smell and not all of your fellow passengers love Chinese food or a juicy burger.  

·      If you talk on your cell phone while the plane is on the ground keep your voice low.  Talking loudly in such close quarters is just plain rude.  Talk quietly—or just text. 

·      When reclining your seat, do it slowly.  A sudden recline can topple drinks and spill whatever is on the tray table for the passenger behind you.  Straighten your seat at least a little bit during snacks and the occasional meal—this lets the person behind you eat more easily. 

·      If you have to get up during the flight, try not to grab the back of the seat in front of you. If your action happens to wake up the passenger in front of you, he will definitely be grumpy. 

·      If you see a couple or family who would like to sit together, offer to help them out if you can. You might be in the same situation sometime. 

·      Help anyone who looks like they are having trouble getting their carryon in the overhead bin.

·      Store anything you might need during the flight, such as books, a computer, DVD player, cell phone or an iPod, under the seat in front of you.  Getting up and down to get something out of the overhead bin is aggravating to others, especially if you are in a center or window seat.

·      Try not to invade your seatmate’s space.  Turn the volume on your iPod or portable DVD player to low, and keep trash to a minimum. 

·      When it’s time to deplane, wait your turn and get off row by row.  If you have a tight connection, let the flight attendant know.  The flight crew will usually ask that passengers with a tight connection be allowed to exit the airplane first.  

Be mindful that most people traveling--even during the summer--are business travelers.  You're most likely going to have way more fun than they are over the next few days so give them a break when you can.  Enjoy the friendly skies!

GOT MANNERS?

……….Better get some if you want to land a job in today’s economy.

If you are interviewing for a job these days, it’s likely that you are not the only candidate being considered.  It doesn’t matter whether you are interviewing for high level or an entry level position--if you want the job, you have to be the applicant who sets himself or herself apart.  This means that everything is important, including your manners.  If you are a little rusty in the etiquette department, this is the time to brush up. 


Manners are crucial to a good interview. Your resume tells about your work experience and educational credentials. A phone interview gives intervieweers a feel for what you can do for their company. They can call your references to verify your job performance. But the face-to-face interview really tells the company about you.  Are you respectful?  Are you reliable? Do you play well with others?  And most importantly, how will you represent this company to the outside world?  Good manners will give you an edge in convincing the interviewer that you are Mr. or Ms. Right.


Start with a few basics.

·      Be on time.  If your interview is at 2:00 and you arrive at 2:00—you are late.  If you arrive 10-15 minutes early, you are on time.  Arriving early gives you a chance to take a few deep breaths and review any notes you might have. The person doing the hiring you needs to know that you are going to show up to work on time if you are hired--you are asking them to take a chance on you.  Show that you are enthusiastic and reliable.  Be early.

·      Use a firm—really firm—handshake.  It’s the de-facto standard to begin a business relationship in our country, and it’s the best possible way to make a good first impression.  Look the person in the eye and smile.  Shake 3-4 times and release, but continue good eye contact and an attentive smile throughout the interview.  If it makes you nervous to look someone directly in the eye, look just below their eyes or even at their nose—but not at your feet, up in the air or around the room. 

·      Have hard copies of your resume available just in case you need them.  Take plenty of business cards with you (they are inexpensively printed almost anywhere including on-line) with phone numbers, email information and mailing addresses.  And make sure you have a pen and something to write on.  It’s not only polite, but shows you are organized and prepared—good qualifications for almost any job.

·      Turn your cell phone off—not to vibrate, but off.  The vibrate function can sometimes be heard and you don’t want the interviewer to think there is anything more important to you at this moment that this interview.  Never, ever check your phone or text during an interview.  It’s considered rude in any business situation but you won’t get away with it in an interview

·      Greet everyone with courtesy and sincerity--the security guard, receptionist, secretary or administrative assistant.  You’d be surprised how many times the boss asks them “What did you think?”  Make sure you treat each person you meet respectfully, and thank them for whatever service they provide.  You never know who is watching.

·      Dress for success. The interviewer will take notice of how you present yourself—if you are attentive in your appearance; you stand a good chance of convincing the interviewer that you’ll be attentive to details at work.  Get your suit or jacket cleaned, make sure your dress shirt (not your best purple shirt) is pressed and trade the Sponge Bob tie for a more conservative one. Ladies, opt for a skirt or dress instead of slacks if possible.  A few years ago you might have gotten away with something a little more casual, but today you need to go all out.  Show that you are serious.  You want to appear polished and show that you can represent the company well.

·      Check your attitude, your personal problems and your feelings about your previous employer at the door.  A good attitude is a huge asset and demonstrates that you will require minimal management time.  Put on your best sincere smile and remain upbeat and confident even if you don’t feel it.

·      If you are interviewing over lunch or dinner, spend some time reading up on dining etiquette. Remember a few essentials: 

o   Put your napkin in your lap as soon as you sit down. 

o   Remember the letters BMW (like the car). This means Bread, Meal, Water--from left to right--and will keep you from using someone else’s bread plate or drinking another’s water.  Use your utensils from the outside in as courses are presented. 

o   Don’t order anything you have to eat with your hands or that is difficult to eat so that you can fully focus on the interviewer and not the food.  Chew with your mouth closed and bring your food to your mouth, not vice versa.  Keep your elbows off the table.  Mom was right.

o   Alcohol is a bad idea for an interviewee, even if everyone else orders a drink.

o   Follow up the interview with a personal thank you note as soon as possible, optimally within 24 hours—you want your note to arrive before one from another interviewee!  A quick email immediately after the interview is fine but it should be followed by a something more personal.  A typed thank-you on nice letterhead is OK but a handwritten note on a plain note card is far better.  You want to be the one they remember!

You can get hired or not hired for a variety of reasons.  Sometimes the reasons have nothing to do with your qualifications.  But assuming you are qualified for the job, your manners can set you apart and that might well be the difference in you and the other top candidates.   And in the words of Clarence Thomas, Supreme Court Justice, “Good manners will open doors that the best education cannot.”

Clarence Thomas

Mom's Manners ReMinders

My son is travelling to California for spring break and will be staying in the home of a fraternity brother.  This strikes fear in me, The Manners Teacher.  He has seven long days to make me proud and win the title of "Best Guest" from his hosts.  Can he do it?  I hope so.  Though he's almost 21, I felt compelled to send him off with a few of Mom's Manners ReMinders. 

1. Pick up a small gift for your host/hostess before you leave and have it ready to present soon after you arrive. A local cookbook, a nice smelling candle, something with your college logo, or a box of good chocolates are safe choices.  Make it something respectable (as in: not from the dollar store)--another good reason to purchase something in advance before you run out of money. 
2. Though this is a vacation, you will be in a home, not a hotel.  Take everything you will need with you--toiletries, clothes, swimwear, sleepwear and plenty of money. 
3. Cover yourself up in the morning.  Your frat brother might be accustomed to seeing you in varying stages of undress--but his mom and dad probably won't appreciate it. 
4. Say “Please” and “Thank you”, “Yes, M’am” and “No, M’am”.  Ask permission before you take something. 
5. Pick up after yourself even if your friend doesn't.  Parents often say things like, "Oh, don't worry about that", but we don't really mean it. We always appreciate a little help.  Put dirty dishes, Doritos bags, leftover popcorn, soda cans and candy wrappers away.  Be remembered for what you do, not what you don't do.
6. Don't expect your hosts to provide every meal for you. Be prepared to have most of your meals out and have enough money to cover your part. Offer to pay for your frat brother's meal at least once and put some gas in the family car. Put yourself in his place--a gesture of appreciation will ensure you as a treasured and respected friend.
7. Follow the family rules. Car usage, off-limit parts of the house, curfews, alcohol and tabacco……….this is a good time to be a rule follower.  And let me remind you that you are not yet 21.
8. S-h-h-h-h-h! Yes, I know that the point of Spring Break is to NOT sleep. Still, there are people in the house (parents, siblings, other guests) who need some shut-eye.  They might even have to work while you are on vacation.  If you’ve been asked to turn off the video games or music at midnight—do it. Ditto, stay out of the kitchen and other parts of the house if it might disturb someone.
9. If your hosts offer to take you out to dinner, order carefully. Even when parents say “Order whatever you want”—that’s not what they mean.  This is not the time to order nachos, onion rings and desert and steak.  Watch what they order and follow their lead. Better to under-order than to over-order.
10. Offer to take your hosts (the parents) to lunch or dinner before you leave, or at least provide the food for a cookout. The hosts may turn down your offer but it’s a nice gesture. That being said, be prepared to ante up if they do take you up on it.
11. Take your own stationery with you (I know you have some because I've given it to you!) and leave a thank you note—it's easier to do before you get home.
 

For the college student looking for the Sparknotes version, here it is: Be polite, follow the rules, clean up after yourself, take a hostess gift and write a thank you note.




Have a safe trip!

Mom

 

....I can't talk right now

Sometimes things just don't make sense. Here's one of them: You are talking, maybe one-on-one or maybe in a meeting, shopping, having a meal or participating in any number of daily activities. The ubiquitous cell phone rings, halting everything until someone in the group reaches for their phone, checks caller ID and simultaneously realizes that,oops, their phone should have been on silent or vibrate.



This happens to all of us, and it usually happens at the very worst moment. What happens next separates the courteous and respectful from the rest of the crowd.  We've already committed one faux pas by forgetting to turn off our ringer--what do we do now? Decisions, decsions.  Should you:
 1. Turn the ringer off as quickly as you can and let the call go to your voice mail?  Then return to the conversation with as little disruption as possible, meekly uttering a quick "I'm sorry".


2. Excuse yourself, leave the group and take the call?  Turn your phone to vibrate or silent before returning to the group.


3. Answer the call and explain to the caller that you can't talk right now but you will call them back "in a minute"?


Depending on the circumstances, Options 1 or 2 are acceptable. Unfortunately, Option 3 is many times the option of choice even though it makes no sense, violating every rule of respect and courtesy. Isn't this why we have voice mail? Most of us even have a voice mail message that says something like "This is Alice. I'm not available right now but will call you back as soon as I can." The Option 3 offender usually tries to whisper the five offending words (I-can't-talk-right-now), as if whispering somehow diminishes the interruption. An embarrassing pause ensues while the offender whispers the same words the caller would hear on voice mail.

Turning off the ringer and meekly apologizing is the best remedy. To disrupt the conversation further by answering the phone would signify to your original group that they are not as important to you as whoever is calling. Apologize for your faux pas and continue without bringing too much attention to yourself. You may want to excuse yourself at the next convenient pause and return the call if you feel it might be important. Otherwise, wait until you are done with conversation #1 before starting another one.


The second option is acceptable if you are expecting something really important, such as a call from a child or parent, or if you have explained to your group in advance that you are expecting an important call and have asked them if it's OK to take the call.


If you are an I-can't-talk-right-now offender, you have lots of company. And this is just one of many unintentional faux pas we encounter every day with technology abounding and becoming more and more sophisticated.  While technology has provided us with personal security, convenience and ability to get things done more quickly, it has also enabled even the most polite among us to be rude in ways we would never have thought of a few years ago. A face-to-face conversation with should always take precedence over a phone call. Interruptions should be kept to a minimum. Keep your conversations private.


And if you can't talk right now......don't answer the phone.

The Manners of Merry Christmas

It's Christmas Eve.  The house is aglow.  The presents are wrapped.  The baking is done and tomorrow's festivities are under control.  Merry Christmas!

Or is it?  Maybe it's "Happy Holidays".  Or "Season's Greetings".  What's the right thing to say in greeting friends, family, shopkeepers and even strangers at this time of year?

I've pondered this for quite a few years now and I get a bit more ornery about it every season.  In my life Christmas is........well, Christmas!  In the Jewish faith, it's Hanukkah and there are other faiths who celebrate with other greetings at this time of year.  True, it's a "holiday" and even a "season" but I know that Christians don't want to give up the term "Christmas" and my Jewish friends don't seem to relish the idea of Hanukkah being lumped in the "Season's Greetings" pile either.  So what's a person to say?

For starters, we should all be respectful of each other and our respective beliefs.  The greeting that you express should be a brief, sincere reflection of your beliefs--that means it's OK to say "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Hanukkah" If you are Christian and someone greets you with a Happy Hanukkah, take it for what it's worth--a sincere wish for joy and blessings.  Reply with an enthusiastic "Happy Hanukkah!" or "and Merry Christmas to you!".  The reverse is true also.  If you think you might offend someone or if you are not a member of a religious group that celebrates this season, or if, for some reason, you think either of these greetings would be inappropriate, you can resort to "Happy Holidays"--but it does not have to be the default greeting.

We all want this time of year to be special.  I don't know who decided that Merry Christmas is an offensive term but it's not.  To those who would like to be offended, please see the first sentence in the previous paragraph.  Being respectful and sincere will get us a lot further along than lumping our good wishes into a one-size-fits-all category.  

Merry Christmas!